


Inevitable

by gayornay



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa endgame forever, DON'T BE FOOLED, Definitely a happy ending, F/F, a little Thanksgiving thing, but Clexa, don't expect much from them, except Finn, he is in it more, most of the characters listed are in it for the ride, very little angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21655828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayornay/pseuds/gayornay
Summary: Thanksgiving weekend doesn't exactly go as planned because even when sometimes things seem fine, other things are just inevitable.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 55
Kudos: 431





	Inevitable

**Author's Note:**

> Just an FYI, Clarke is with Finn at the beginning of this (will he be at the end, though?! I guess you'll have to read and find out!) and you will have to put up with him for a little bit, but you'll get to Clarke and Lexa soon enough (or maybe it's never soon enough?). If that's not your cup of tea I understand, so feel free to turn around, but if it's something you can tolerate then I hope you find it's worth it in the end.
> 
> Thanks to my dear wifey for reading this over and helping me make this better because I don't know what I'm doing half the time.

_ ~~ FC ~~ _

There have been few things Finn has been sure of throughout his life, let alone irrevocably certain. The exception to this rule has blonde hair and eyes as blue as the sky and is sitting beside him, staring out the window while they drive through a forest of green.

He smiles at the sight, sunlight seeping through the trees, making his girlfriend’s hair look even brighter. His chest warms up.

“Are you looking forward to this weekend?” Finn asks her, trying to keep his nerves from showing. His voice shakes a little, but Clarke doesn’t seem to notice.

She turns to face him, smile on her face. “Yeah,” her eyes shine. “I’ve been needing a break for weeks.”

The hospital has been keeping her busy. Finn knows, late shifts and long hours keeping Clarke away from home more than usual. But it’s been her absence that’s confirmed what Finn suspected the minute he laid eyes on her three years ago: he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

He looks through the rearview mirror at the briefcase that sits on the back seat. It holds his work computer, a fountain pen, some paperwork– but most importantly, under it all, a small box containing his grandmother’s ring, the one he plans to use tonight when he proposes.

He has been preparing for weeks. Made an offhand comment about spending Thanksgiving weekend at Clarke’s family cabin in the mountains, with everyone she loves and cares about. After Clarke agreed, he set his plan in motion.

It’s early afternoon when they arrive, the quaint wooden cabin appearing behind evergreen trees. Smoke is coming out of the chimney, the only sign that someone’s already inside.

Tires crushing gravel must alert the owner, because Abby, his future mother-in-law, steps out as soon as they stop the car.

“Honey!” Abby greets Clarke with arms wide open. “So glad you made it,” she says, pulling her daughter in for a hug.

Finn smiles at the interaction, giving them a moment while he gathers the briefcase from the backseat and the suitcase from the trunk.

“Finn,” Abby says with a smile once he reaches them. “Welcome,” she offers him a brief hug, too. “Please come in, you know where your room is.”

He nods, placing a soft kiss against Clarke’s cheek before heading inside. He looks around the house, the warmth emanating from the fireplace a welcomed contrast to the cold outside.

He walks past the living room, taking a deep breath. That’s where he is going to propose, just a few hours from now. He can already picture it– him on one knee, Clarke beaming at him. He can’t wait to hear her say  _ yes _ .

He sets their luggage in the guest room at the very end of the hallway, smiling at the remaining reminders of Clarke’s childhood. A corkboard still hangs in place, slightly askew. Pictures from Clarke’s middle and high school years reflecting years of friendship.

He is excited her friends will be able to join them. Well, most of them. Octavia and Raven were a sure yes, but Lexa –Clarke’s oldest friend– had declined, having already made plans.

Finn can’t say he minds. While he knows Clarke would love to have Lexa here during this special occasion, he’s always gotten the impression Lexa doesn’t like him very much. In return he doesn’t either, and while they aren’t fighting all the time (for Clarke’s sake), they definitely avoid each other whenever possible.

He checks his briefcase one more time, a nervous habit he has adopted ever since his mom handed him the velvet box. Once he confirms it’s still in place, he puts it away and heads to the kitchen.

“Did you talk to Lexa?” Abby is asking Clarke as he walks in. His girlfriend is sitting on a stool and he joins her, sitting down and placing a hand on her thigh.

Clarke shakes her head, frowning. “No,” she says, thanking her mom as Abby hands her a steaming cup of hot cocoa. “I thought she was flying to New York today?”

“Finn?” Abby asks, holding an empty mug in question. Finn shakes his head, his stomach too tight in knots to consume anything right now. “Apparently she had to cancel last minute,” Abby says, returning to her conversation with Clarke. “She asked if she could still join us."

Finn’s hands tense, squeezing Clarke’s thigh without meaning to. She gives him an inquisitive look before looking at her mom. He takes a deep breath, trying not to let this slight change of plans affect his mood.

“That’s great!” Clarke sounds excited, the same way she always does whenever Lexa comes up in conversation. Finn tries to squash the ping of jealousy that courses through him– has been trying for years, but there’s something about Lexa and her relationship with Clarke that has always rubbed him the wrong way.

He thought once Lexa started dating Costia, about a year after Finn and Clarke got together, the feeling would subside and although it diminished a little, it still lingers.

“She has to go into work tomorrow, but she’s spending today with us,” Abby says.

Finn can sense Clarke’s excitement, but he decides to push all negative thoughts from his mind. Today is about him and Clarke and soon enough he’ll be able to call Clarke his forever.

::::

Nerves start dissipating once other people start arriving, simple conversations keeping Finn distracted enough. Raven is the first one to arrive, followed by Octavia and her fiancé, Lincoln not long after.

They are all hanging out in the living room an hour later, catching up and sharing stories from when they were kids. Finn has always struggled finding a place within this tight group of friends who share so much history together. Even Lincoln has been with Octavia long enough to at least know what they are talking about.

He is on the recliner by the fire, Clarke sitting on the armrest next to him. Her arm rests relaxed around his shoulder, her fingers mindlessly playing with his hair while she recounts a time her and Raven got in trouble for skipping class.

She laughs and he looks up at her, wondering how he got so lucky. Finn leans his head against her side, noticing the fire has started to dwindle. He excuses himself and steps outside to grab more wood.

Lexa arrives just as he is walking back, holding a pile of wood with both arms.

“Finn,” she greets him, with the same cold, unwelcoming attitude she always has when she sees him.

“Lexa,” he says, nodding her way. “Change of plans?” he asks, masking his disappointment.

She nods, stepping closer. “Yeah. Work,” she says, reaching for the front door and holding it open for him.

“Glad you could make it,” he lies. “It’s going to be a special night.”

Lexa frowns, but he doesn’t care to explain any further. Instead he walks in, Lexa following close behind. Clarke smiles at him when she sees him enter the room, standing up and heading toward him. Her smile, however, turns ten times brighter once she sees who’s right behind him.

“Lexa!” Clarke exclaims, no longer walking toward him, but toward her best friend instead. Once again he pushes down all negative feelings, reminding himself that everything will be different after tonight.

He leaves them behind, going to the fireplace to ignore the reunion happening by the main entrance. He spends the next few minutes fixing the fire until it’s strong again and by the time he is done, Abby is calling them all to dinner.

He sits to Clarke’s left, not at all lost on him how she pats the seat to her right until Lexa sits beside her. He places her hand on her thigh again, this time gripping it. Clarke is looking at Lexa, barely acknowledging him when he asks for the gravy.

A few seconds later Clarke moves her legs, turning more towards Lexa, Finn’s hand falling to his side. He sighs, frustrated his girlfriend doesn’t seem to remember he is here anymore. He focuses on his food instead.

Dinner is good, and everyone thanks Abby for a magnificent meal. Conversation flows and he chimes in here and there. His heart is pounding, he is pretty sure he is sweating at this point but no one seems to notice and it’s okay.

Just a little bit longer and he can put his plan in motion.

Finn wipes his hand on his lap before reaching over to hold Clarke’s. She intertwines their fingers, gives his hand a light squeeze and he relaxes right away.

“Hey, Clarke,” he says, trying to get her attention. He is successful, albeit only for a few seconds. Lexa excuses herself and it doesn’t take long until Clarke decides to go after her.

It has always been like this, this friendship between Clarke and Lexa. He has often wondered if there’s more to it than friends. He even asked Clarke after they began dating, but she denied it and he has never had an actual reason to not believe her.

He sighs, trying to clear his mind. It doesn’t matter, at the end of the day Clarke is going home with him and that’s all he could ever hope for.

::::

They move back to the living room a while later and Finn knows it’s time. This is what he had been preparing for and now that they had had dinner and everyone was gathered around, he was ready.

“How do you guys feel about playing charades?” he asks and he is not surprised at the way everyone looks at him. He usually isn’t one for games, but tonight is different.

“Sure,” Raven says with a shrug. “Hey, where’s Clarke?” she asks, looking around.

“With Lexa,” Finn states. “I’ll go get the game and let her– them know.”

He leaves after everyone nods in approval. He passes the room where Lexa is staying (the same one she used to stay in when they were kids, right next to Clarke’s). The door is closed and he can hear soft voices coming from inside.

He’s tempted to lean forward, try to listen in, but instead he walks towards their room. He grabs Pictionary out of the suitcase and the ring out of his briefcase, placing it securely in his pocket.

He takes a deep, nervous breath before walking out. No sound is coming out of Lexa’s room, but the door is still closed, so he steps closer and knocks on it once, twice.

“Clarke?” he calls. “We are gonna start playing. You coming?”

A beat.

“Be out in a second,” he hears her say and he smiles, heading back into the living room to set the game up while they wait.

It only takes a few minutes and by the time he is done setting up the game, Clarke is back with them. Lexa isn’t around, but that’s okay. Finn doesn’t mind.

He lets the game go naturally at first. Lincoln and Octavia easily get ahead on the board, their ability to understand each other without saying words something he has always aspired to have with Clarke. Abby and Raven are struggling, but Finn isn’t really worried about the score. He knows now is their turn and the game won’t matter after this.

He tells Clarke she has to act first. She nods and walks toward the center of the room, taking the card Finn hands her. He knows what the card says, but he will take his time to guess.

Clarke closes her eyes and waves her arm around in front of her. Finn throws in a couple of wrong guesses.

“Looking,” he says. Clarke shakes her head, eyes still closed. “Lost!”

And then he gets down on one knee.

Takes a deep breath, reaches into his pocket.

_ This is it. _

He pulls out the small box, his fingers shaking as he opens it, revealing a shiny ring inside it.

Another deep breath and then,

“Clarke?”

_ ~~ CG ~~ _

This view has always calmed her. Something about the pattern of trees, all laid out in harmony. The color green always soothing, ever since she was a little girl.

She watches them pass by over and over and over, casting a side glance at her boyfriend every now and then. She smiles, thankful for the weekend away and the chance to spend time with her family and friends.

“You ready?” Clarke asks Finn as they approach the last mile before reaching her family’s vacation home. She knows he still doesn’t feel one hundred percent comfortable around her friends, but she appreciates that he offered to spend Thanksgiving with all of them regardless.

His response is a smile and a nod, and that’s enough for her. She rolls down her window a small fraction, letting in a little bit of air. It’s cold, but she doesn’t care. It smells like fall, like nothing she can get in the city so she takes it in as much as she can.

“Do you need some help carrying things in?” she asks him as soon as they step out of the car. He had refused any help loading things into the car, but she offers anyway.

“I got it,” he replies, nodding towards the cabin’s entrance. Her mother is walking out, smiling at them.

Abby pulls her in and wraps her arms around her as soon as she’s close enough. Clarke’s shoulders tense in response, still not one hundred percent used to having something that resembles a relationship with her mom again.

She has tried explaining this to Finn, how she loves her mom but everything is still not exactly okay. He doesn’t seem to listen, though, and is always willing to walk away when her mom is around, even when she’s being overbearing and Clarke needs help to take a step back.

It must be hard to understand how the loss of one of your parents can create such a detachment with the only one you have left.

“How was the trip?” Abby asks as they both head inside. Clarke shrugs her coat off, hanging it by the main door. She closes the door behind them.

“It was fine,” Clarke replies. “A little bit of traffic trying to get out of the city, but it cleared out pretty quickly after that.” It was one of the advantages of having to leave on Thanksgiving day.

“And work?” Abby asks her. Clarke sighs, wishing she could avoid talking about the hospital. She is tired and exhausted and more often than not still wonders if she made the right decision going to med school.

“It’s fine,” she replies. She follows her mom into the kitchen, sitting on a stool across from her.

“Hot cocoa?” her mom asks and Clarke nods, grateful she’s not pushing for more details.

Her spirits brighten up right away after hearing Lexa will be joining them after all. She talked to her a couple of weeks ago, after Finn and her decided to spend the weekend here, with everyone. She called Lexa to invite her, but she declined.

“I’m going to New York,” she had said, sounding apologetic. “Costia and I are spending Thanksgiving together.”

If Clarke were to be honest, she was really disappointed Lexa wasn’t going to be able to join them. Between the hospital making her work crazy long hours, Lexa working overtime as usual, and Costia now living thousands of miles away, she didn’t have much time to see her best friend.

She’s pulled from her thoughts when she feels a hand tighten around her leg. She looks at Finn, wondering if Lexa coming over is the cause of his reaction.

She is well aware her boyfriend and best friend don’t get along. It has been cause for more than one argument over the years– Finn doesn’t understand how much Lexa means to Clarke and Lexa doesn’t seem to understand what Clarke sees in him.

It’s been hard, but they have all managed to make it work and she hopes this weekend isn’t an exception. She’s really looking forward to spending time with both Finn and Lexa, as well as the rest of their friends.

As if on cue, Raven walks in through the door, announcing her arrival.

“Honey, I’m hooome!” she calls from the entryway.

Clarke rolls her eyes, but stands up and goes to greet her, wrapping her in a big hug.

“Hey, Raven. Good to see you,” Clarke says with a smile.

“You too, hot-shot doctor who doesn’t have any time to see her friends,” Raven says. Clarke shakes her head.

“We had brunch three days ago,” Clarke reminds her.

“Oh, right,” Raven says, laughing. “I forget my schedule is so flexible.”

Octavia arrives fifteen minutes later with Lincoln and soon enough they are all gathered in the living room, sharing old stories they never get too tired to recount. Clarke senses Finn’s discomfort, a soothing hand playing with his head to relax him.

It seems to work for a moment, but soon after he stands up and steps outside. Clarke sighs, wondering if it will get any easier once they have been together for longer. Like Lincoln and Octavia. She hates having to worry about whether or not he is having a good time whenever they are hanging out with her friends.

She knows it’s not easy. There’s so much history between them, any outsider would have a hard time fitting in. But the thing is, it’s been three years and Clarke wishes Finn wouldn’t feel like an outsider anymore. Sometimes she thinks if only he tried a little bit harder things would be different.

Clarke looks up when she hears the door open and smiles when Finn walks in with a pile of wood in his arms. Maybe she had jumped to conclusions. She smiles and stands up to go help him, but all thoughts disappear as soon as she notices the woman standing behind him.

She’s still unused to the way she feels every time she sees Lexa.

Like a weight has lifted off her shoulders. Like there’s not a care in the world and all that exists is Lexa, Lexa, Lexa.

She squeals her name in excitement and heads towards her instead, pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m so glad you could make it,” Clarke whispers against her hair, smiling when she feels Lexa’s arms around her.

“Me too,” Lexa murmurs. She squeezes Clarke before letting go. She’s expecting Lexa’s smile to match her own, but even though she is smiling it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Clarke frowns.

“Hey,” she ventures, reaching out for Lexa’s hand. It’s cold to the touch and Clarke immediately wraps both of her hands around it. “Is everything okay?”

Lexa nods in response. “I’m fine, Clarke,” and Clarke has to stop herself from laughing in her face. Lexa has been her friend since they were little kids, so Clarke knows her like the back of her hand. All it takes is one look at her to know, without a doubt, that Lexa is not fine. “How are you?” Lexa interrupts her thoughts. “How are things going with…” she trails off, her eyes looking into the kitchen where Abby is finishing dinner.

Clarke smiles. She supposes Lexa knows her pretty well, too. She shrugs. “It’s alright,” she answers. She’s about to bring the spotlight back to Lexa when Abby calls out dinner is ready. Lexa gives her a small smile before heading towards the living room to say hello to everyone else.

::::

“What’s wrong, Lexa?” Clarke whispers.

They are having dinner and the way Lexa has been quietly playing with her food, not eating much –not even the green beans Abby made just for her because they are her favorite– isn’t lost on her. She’s starting to worry.

“I’m okay, Clarke. Really,” Lexa insists, but Clarke just gives her a look that says they both know she’s lying. “How have you been?”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “Better than you, clearly,” she says. Everyone around them is talking, but all Clarke can do is focus on Lexa who just seems so small and lost.

“Can we just, not?” Lexa asks, quiet but harsh. “I didn’t come here to be questioned. I just wanted to spend time with my friends.”

“Exactly, Lexa. We are your friends. I am your  _ best friend _ . You can tell me anything,” Clarke insists. Finn reaches out for her hand then, and she mindlessly holds it, her attention still focused on Lexa.

“Hey, Clarke,” he says and Clarke turns to look at him. Lexa takes the opportunity to excuse herself then and Clarke refuses to let it go. Her friend needs her and she can’t stand to see Lexa like this.

She excuses herself as well and soon follows Lexa into the room she’s staying in.

“Hey,” she says after she walks in, closing the door behind her. Lexa is standing on the opposite end of the room, by the window, phone in hand. “Sorry, are you trying to reach Costia? I can leave,” she says, trying to push the jealousy she feels down. Way down.

Costia is Lexa’s girlfriend and of course Lexa would try to reach out to her to talk about whatever is bothering her. Clarke shouldn’t feel hurt or jealous or  _ anything _ .

Her thoughts are cut short when Lexa shakes her head.

“No, we– um. We broke up,” Lexa says. And suddenly everything makes sense.

“Oh,  _ Lexa _ ,” Clarke says, taking a step towards her. “Are–” she feels stupid asking this, but she has to. “Are you okay?”

Lexa gives her a broken smile and Clarke’s heart breaks with it.

“I’m  _ so _ sorry,” Clarke says. Lexa sits on the bed and Clarke is quick to join her, putting an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. “Why didn’t you say anything?” she chastises.

Clarke arm moves up and down as Lexa shrugs. “I didn’t want to ruin the mood. I thought I could just come over here and see you guys and have a good time and just– forget about it. Forget about her.”

“What happened?”

Lexa sighs, shaking her head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Is that okay?”

Clarke nods, placing a kiss on top of Lexa’s head. She catches the smell of her shampoo and has to fight the way her body reacts to it. There’s always been something intoxicating about Lexa, ever since they were little kids she was drawn to her and even after all this time, it’s still the same.

“She doesn’t deserve you anyway,” Clarke says against her hair. She reaches for Lexa’s hand, squeezing it. “No one deserves you, you’re too good for anybody,” she says and god, does she mean it.

Lexa laughs self-deprecatingly, shaking her head. “I’m starting to think I don’t deserve anyone,” she admits, looking at her feet.

“Hey,” Clarke says, nudging her. She pulls back, standing up to kneel in front of Lexa. “Don’t say that,” she says, blue eyes threatening green. Clarke places her hands on Lexa’s shoulders, restraining her want to shake some sense into her. “You deserve the whole, entire world, Lexa.”

Lexa looks at her, eyes wide and hopeful and Clarke doesn’t know what to do to make this woman realize just how mind-blowingly amazing she is.

“You are smart, so smart, Lexa. And kind. Loyal, and  _ so _ strong,” Clarke says, listing everything she’s ever loved about her. She moves her hands to cradle her face, stopping Lexa from looking away. “You’re beautiful, and funny–”

Lexa chuckles at that. “You didn’t think I was funny when we first met,” she says, recalling a time twenty-three years ago, when Clarke was just five years old.

“You made fun of my shoes,” Clarke complains. Lexa’s eyes twinkle and it makes Clarke soar.

“They were hideous,” Lexa dead-pans and Clarke cracks up.

“See?” she says, choosing to ignore the insult. “Funny,” she says matter-of-factly.

Lexa’s smile is starting to return to her eyes. “Thanks, Clarke,” she says, turning her head towards Clarke’s right wrist and placing a soft, lingering kiss there.

The rush of electricity that runs through Clarke’s body takes her by surprise. She is not unused to Lexa’s effect on her, but there’s something about the way Lexa is holding her lips against her skin that makes her forget everyone and everything else.

“Of-of course,” she manages to say, trying to swallow past the lump in her throat. She doesn’t know why she does it, but next thing she knows she is taking Lexa’s right hand into her left, bringing it to her lips and placing a soft kiss on her wrist much like Lexa had just done.

She is not expecting the reaction she gets from Lexa. A small intake of air through slightly parted lips, eyes turning a dark shade of green. Clarke looks at her, transfixed by the woman sitting in front of her. Blue eyes drawn to full lips.

“ _ Shit, _ ” Clarke whispers under her breath and before she knows it, she’s using her right hand to pull Lexa’s face towards her, their lips meeting in a bruising kiss that takes her breath away like no other kiss ever has.

It’s brief. So fucking brief.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke says straight away, standing up in panic to put some distance between them.

::::

Clarke exits Lexa’s room after Finn announces they will begin playing. Her heart is beating out of her chest, but she tries to push through and act like nothing is out of the ordinary. She pairs up with Finn, no surprise there, and half-heartedly watches everyone play around her. She tries hard to focus and pay attention, but her brain just screams Lexa, Lexa, Lexa. She shakes her head and tries to hold on to anything so she doesn’t have to think about what happened in the other room.

It’s her turn to act. She takes a deep breath, pushing all thoughts away from her mind. She takes the card Finn hands her and reads it to herself.  _ Blind _ .

She stands up and walks to the middle of the room. Her eyes look into the hallway for a split second before bringing her attention back to the people in front of her. She has to stop thinking about Lexa.

“And, go!” Octavia calls out, flipping the sand clock she’s holding. That’s her cue. Clarke closes her eyes and tries to touch around her, rolling her eyes at Finn’s failed guesses. Suddenly she hears a collective gasp around her. She frowns, wondering what everyone is murmuring about.

“Clarke?” she almost doesn’t hear him.

Clarke slowly opens her eyes, surprised when Finn isn’t sitting on the couch in front of her anymore. It’s then that she realizes he is down on one knee instead.

Her hands move up to cover her mouth straight away, her eyes widening as they land on the ring shining in its velvet box.

_ Oh, Finn. _

“Will you marry me?” he asks after a beat, his boyish eyes shining the brightest she’s ever seen.

“Finn…” she says, breathless.

_ ~~ LW ~~ _

She gets on the phone dreading the conversation that she knows will follow. She had just finished a phone call with her work– the case she had been working on for the past three months blew up and she needs to be in the office tomorrow, no excuses.

The phone rings once, twice.

“Hey,” Costia answers. Lexa can hear the smile in her voice and it’s like the calm before the storm. “Are you on your way to the airport yet?”

Lexa sighs. “No,” she replies. “I’m not– I can’t make it.”

Silence stretches for what feels like hours, but it couldn’t be more than a few seconds.

“What?” her girlfriend asks from the other side of the line, incredulous. “You’re joking, right? Please tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m sorry. I– I wish I could. I just got a call from work, I have to go in tomorrow.”

“It’s Thanksgiving weekend,” Costia says, as if Lexa didn’t already know. “We planned this months ago. I haven’t seen you in so long, Lexa,” her name is said in exasperation.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa repeats, feeling hopeless. What else can she say?

“I can’t believe you’re not coming,” Costia says, resigned.

“I know. I really wanted to go.” She misses Costia, ever since her girlfriend moved away to New York their relationship hasn’t been the same and Lexa was really hoping this four-day weekend would help them find what they’ve seem to have lost.

“Lexa…” A sigh. “I can’t do this.”

Lexa swallows. “I know, I know,” she says, running her fingers through her hair. “I will get out there as soon as I can. I’ll visit next weekend, I don’t care how expensive it is.”

“No, Lexa,” Costia cuts her off. “I can’t– we can’t keep doing this long distance thing. It’s not working. I– I need you here.”

“Next weekend, I promise,” Lexa insists. “I’m checking flights right now.”

“Lexa,” Costia stops her once again. “Move in with me,” she says. This isn’t the first time she has brought it up. She has asked her twice, three times now, to move to New York, and all three times Lexa just feels like she can’t breathe and the thought of leaving her home, her friends, Clarke… Lexa shuts her eyes, takes a deep breath.

“Costia, I’ve told you, I can’t– my job.”

“You’re a lawyer, Lexa,” she replies, and Lexa can tell she is frustrated. “If you really wanted to, you could find a job here in the blink of an eye.”

“It’s not that easy,” Lexa breathes.

“Yeah, you keep saying that.”

“I can’t just leave this place, Costia. This is… home,” she says, wincing. Shouldn’t home be wherever her girlfriend is? She shakes her head, pushing past her thoughts. “I can’t pack my things and go. What about my friends?”

Costia scoffs, catching Lexa by surprise. “Why don’t you just say it, Lexa?”

“Say what?”

“It’s not your  _ friends _ , Lexa. It’s her.”

Lexa doesn’t need to ask who she’s talking about.

“Clarke has nothing to do with this–”

“Please. Stop it. Stop lying to me, but most importantly,” a deep breath, “stop lying to yourself.”

“Costia, come on,” Lexa insists, trying to bring the conversation to  _ them _ , not Clarke, not anything else. This is about them, they can find a way to make it work.

“I’m sorry, Lexa. I can’t be with you if you’re on the other side of the country and you– you can’t move here. That much is clear.”

“I will visit next weekend, I swear,” Lexa says once again, not knowing what else to say to make things better. She can’t  _ say _ anything, but maybe if she goes and  _ shows _ her–

“Please don’t. I– I don’t want to see you, Lexa. We’re done.”

The line goes dead before she can even form a reply. She sits there, on her living room couch where she spent so many days and nights cuddling next to Costia before she decided to pursue her dream in New York and the memories hit her like a ton of bricks.

The last two years, gone in a puff. If only she could do it, just pack her things and follow her girlfriend across the country.

Instead, she’s rooted to the spot, the heaviness in her heart pulling her down. She contemplates walking to the kitchen, grabbing the bottle of whiskey she keeps in the pantry and drowning herself in it. But it’s Thanksgiving and she really doesn’t want to be alone, even if facing Clarke and everyone else sounds just as dreadful.

So she calls her best friend, but is greeted by Clarke’s voicemail before it can ring again. Next she tries Abby, hoping she will already be at the cabin and with service. Luckily for her, she is able to reach her and just a few minutes later she finds herself on the road, heading towards the mountains instead of the airport, trying to leave her memories of Costia and the tightness she feels in her chest behind.

::::

Finn is the first person she runs into as soon as she arrives and she curses her luck (or lack thereof). She gets out of her car and greets him, saying his name like it’s poison. She doesn’t like him, never has. She gets the impression he doesn’t like her either, and she’s more than okay with that.

She pretends, for Clarke’s sake, to put up with him. She would rather have to deal with him than losing Clarke over some stupid boy, even if she can’t understand what her best friend sees in him. He is childish and rude and Clarke could do  _ so _ much better.

Lexa sighs, wondering what would have happened if she had ever dared telling Clarke how she really felt all those years ago. She had had her chance, before life became too complicated, before Costia and Finn. But she was too scared, afraid revealing her feelings would cause irreparable damage to their friendship.

And so she swallowed them and pushed them down and kept pushing through until she got so used to it that it started feeling more like a dull pain, instead of a biting reminder. Clarke’s friendship is more than enough.

And it’s all worth it when Lexa gets to experience the way Clarke smiles at her as soon as she realizes she’s there. It almost makes Lexa forget everything bad that has happened today. When Clarke hugs her and whispers in her ear, guilt overtakes her. She pictures Costia, alone, mourning their relationship while Lexa is here, feeling better just by being next to Clarke.

She pulls away, smiling at Clarke, but Lexa can see her frowning and damnit, she knows her so well she is sure it’s only a matter of time before Clarke realizes something is wrong.

“Is everything okay?”

Well. That didn’t take long at all.

Lexa tries to brush it off, change the subject, but Clarke doesn’t bite and she is thankful for Abby’s interruption, because at least that will put a stop to Clarke’s questioning.

Or so she thinks…

As soon as she sits down next to her, Clarke is asking her over and over again what’s wrong and it’s just not helping. Lexa came over to feel better, to not feel alone and to try and forget about Costia and another failed relationship. But Clarke won’t let it go and she really doesn’t want to tell everyone at the table right now that her girlfriend just broke up with her because she’s unwilling to move to New York.

She’s not ready to explain to them –or herself– why she doesn’t want to.

She’s thankful, for once, for Finn’s interruption. He catches Clarke’s attention long enough for her to excuse herself once they are done eating and head to her room, hoping to have a few minutes to collect herself.

“Hey.”

She looks up from her phone to find Clarke by the doorway. She doesn’t even wait for Lexa to invite her in before entering the room, closing the door behind her.

She should know better than to expect Clarke to leave things alone.

Clarke’s assumption that she’s trying to talk to Costia, paired with the look of hurt that glosses over her eyes before she composes herself, is all Lexa needs to come clean. No, she is definitely  _ not _ trying to contact Costia.

“What happened?” Clarke is worried and it warms Lexa’s heart to know that no matter what, Clarke is always there to pick up the pieces. It’s scary and reassuring and Lexa doesn’t know what to do with the way her heart fills up when Clarke kisses the top of her head.

She tries to calm her heartbeat down, scared Clarke will feel it somehow. Lexa listens to her and smiles shyly as Clarke gives her best best-friend speech, full of compliments and nice words and Lexa doesn’t know what to do with the way it makes her feel warm and fuzzy and so she tries to joke, but then Clarke laughs and that makes matters even worse because Lexa could live off of Clarke’s laugh alone.

“Thanks, Clarke,” Lexa says, because she appreciates her and wants,  _ needs  _ Clarke to know that. She turns her head to place a soft kiss on Clarke’s wrist. It’s meant to be soft and amicable and simple and just,  _ thank you _ , but instead it charges the room with so much energy Lexa doesn’t know what to do so instead she just sits there, her lips still pressed against Clarke’s skin and if she pays close enough attention she can feel the other woman’s pulse pick up. 

All of this is unexpected –not uncommon, but certainly unexpected right then and there– but what she expects even less is for Clarke to mimic her movements and the second Clarke’s lips softly place a kiss against her skin she forgets about everything.

Clarke curses under her breath and it barely registers before soft lips are on her own and Lexa doesn’t even have to think before her lips react and she starts kissing her back. She wants to kiss her hard, bring her closer, but before her brain can do anything but kiss the woman in front of her Clarke is pulling away and standing up, taking a step back, her back almost hitting the wall.

Clarke’s apology falls on deaf ears, Lexa too focused on all the unspoken things Clarke’s body is screaming: her dilated pupils, her heaving chest, her clenched hands like she’s trying to stop herself from reaching out, blue eyes that keep darting to Lexa’s lips…

And Lexa can’t stop herself.

She stands up, takes a step towards Clarke, worried for a split second Clarke will take another step back, but she stands there, unwavering, her eyes never leaving Lexa’s and she doesn’t even have to ask; permission is already written all over Clarke’s face.

And if Lexa thought their first kiss was everything she had ever imagined and then some, their second kiss is like nothing she had ever dreamed of before.

The kiss is desperate, hungry, full of want. It doesn’t take long before Lexa feels Clarke’s hands gripping the hem of her shirt, pulling Lexa closer to her in a swift motion. Their bodies clash, much like their lips, as they stumble backwards until Clarke’s back hits the wall with a  _ thump _ .

Feeling Clarke flushed against her ignites a fire inside of her and all she wants to do is touch. Touch and explore and memorize every single inch of the other woman’s body. Years of wanting and wishing and hoping come crashing down on her and she needs a reality check– needs to make sure this is actually happening.

Lexa breaks the kiss, the way Clarke chases after her lips making her smile. Their faces are still mere millimeters away from each other, breathing the same air. Lexa rests her forehead against Clarke’s, gasping. She opens her eyes, looking into blue so deep she doesn’t know whether she’s flying or drowning.

“Clarke, I…” she trails off, unsure of what to add, afraid of saying too much or too little. Her heart is pounding and she searches Clarke’s eyes for any sign of regret, only to find a fire like she has never seen before and it just serves to fuel her further.

She leans forward, their noses brushing, and she smiles devilishly when Clarke chases her lips with her own once again.

“Lexa,” Clarke growls, running the hands that had been by her hips up her arms and neck until she tangles them in her hair, keeping her in place.

Clarke doesn’t even need to ask any more for Lexa to finally close the gap between them, capturing Clarke’s bottom lip in her own. The moan that escapes Clarke fuels Lexa further. She’s dying to touch her, feel her. All of her. And so she runs her fingertips under Clarke’s shirt, feeling how her body reacts to her touch. She inches them upward in the small space left between their bodies, her thumbs brushing perked nipples and  _ fuck _ , her knees go weak when Clarke lifts her chest, trying to feel more.

It’s then that Lexa palms a full breast, something about feeling it even underneath the garment driving her insane. She moans into their kiss and squeezes once, twice, Clarke’s noises begging for more.

A hand lands on her ass, gripping it and pulling her closer. Their hips collide and fucking hell, this woman is going to be the death of her.

In this point in time nothing else matters; all Lexa can smell, taste, hear, think of is Clarke, Clarke, Clarke.

Clarke’s right hand holding onto her neck, unwavering, keeping their lips connected. Clarke’s lips still moving against her own. Clarke’s breast under her hand. Clarke’s body pressed against her, as much as their wandering hands allow.

Suddenly Clarke pulls away, Lexa’s protest dying in her throat when she sees the look on Clarke’s face and feels both her hands fumbling with her belt.

“Clarke?” she whispers.  _ Are you sure? _ is the unspoken question, but one look at her is the only answer she needs.

Lexa lets expert hands undo her pants, fingers in a rush to unbutton and unzip her jeans. She buries her face in Clarke’s neck, bracing herself for what’s about to happen, ready to feel–

“Clarke?” Finn’s voice breaks in and it’s like they’ve been burned. Lexa takes a step back right away, her breath still heavy and uneven. She casts one look at Clarke’s disheveled appearance: her hair is messy, her shirt is still pulled up, a small portion of her stomach revealed. Lexa has to look away to stop the thoughts currently running through her head. Like what it would feel like to kneel in front of Clarke to kiss said stomach, wondering if Clarke’s hands would land on her head, pushing her down, begging for more.

Clarke’s voice cuts through her thoughts when she tells Finn she’ll be out in a second, casting Lexa an apologetic glance. Lexa can only nod, too numb by everything that just transpired. What was she thinking? How could she get so carried away?

Clarke fixes her clothes and hair, checking her reflection in the mirror before stepping outside, leaving Lexa behind with an uncomfortable throbbing feeling between her legs and a heartbeat that won’t slow down.

It takes her ten minutes to gather the courage to step outside, her heart still beating out of control in her chest and her brain trying to catch up with what just happened. The house is quiet and Lexa wonders if everyone has stepped outside, even though she thinks it’s probably too cold for that.

Her heart stops when she reaches the living room, the sight in front of her knocking her a couple of steps back. Her hip bumps against the side table, the lamp on top rattling.

Lexa is too distracted to notice everyone’s eyes turning in her direction, her own still locked on the scene in front of her.

Finn on one knee. Clarke’s hand stretched out in front of her, resting on his shoulder. Clarke looks at her, eyes wide and Lexa doesn’t know what to do with herself.

She can’t say she’s surprised this day has finally come –she has often wondered why it was taking Finn so long to ask– but seeing it in front of her, especially after what had just happened between her and Clarke is  _ not _ how she pictured it going down.

She walks the remaining steps until she’s in the living room, her eyes never leaving Clarke’s. She had often wondered what it would be like, being with her. Right now, she wishes she had never been able to find out, because nothing will  _ ever _ compare to what she just felt.

“Congratulations,” Lexa says softly, once she’s standing right next to them. She leans forward, swallowing her pride and bringing Clarke in for a short hug. “I’m happy for you,” she whispers into her ear.

All she’s ever cared about is Clarke’s happiness. If she’s happy, then… well, Lexa will learn to be happy, too.

“Excuse me, I have to make a phone call,” she says then, after she has pulled away. She’s waving her phone in front of everyone. No one else is saying anything and Lexa doesn’t understand why, but she’s not willing to stick around to find out.

She steps outside and walks a few feet away from the cabin, far away enough that no one will actually be able to see she’s not actually on the phone. It’s cold and she didn’t grab her coat, but she can’t bring herself to care. She doesn’t think any amount of layers could prevent her from feeling so, so cold inside.

It’s a stark contrast from the way her entire body felt like it was on fire just a few minutes ago when she was pressed against Clarke.

“Lexa,” the voice is accompanied by footsteps crunching the frosty path beneath them.

“Clarke,” Lexa says, taking a deep breath before turning around to face her. She doesn’t know how she’ll survive the night, but she soldiers on.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke says and Lexa isn’t sure if she’s apologizing for what happened in the room or her engagement. One definitely hurts more than the other. “I’m sorry you had to walk into that.”

Lexa smiles at her sadly. “You’re quite the catch,” she says. “Can’t really blame the guy.”

“What happened earlier…” Clarke says, looking to her left, avoiding Lexa’s gaze.

Lexa wraps her arms around herself, unsure if she’s protecting herself from the cold or from the inevitable heartbreak. “It was a mistake,” Lexa offers. She won’t make Clarke say it, even if she’s clearly thinking it. Even if it hurts to lie at a moment like this.

Clarke’s head lifts up immediately, and Lexa sees a flash of anger before it’s replaced by indifference. “Is that what that was to you?” Clarke crosses her arms across her chest, challenging Lexa and it confuses her. What is Clarke expecting from her?

“I– well–”

“You think it was a mistake?”

Lexa sighs, running a hand over her face. At this moment, with Clarke standing in front of her, staring at her like that –angry and cold and so beautiful– she can’t help but wonder if Costia and her ever had a future when she is so clearly, irrevocably in love with her best friend.

“Costia wanted me to move to New York.”

The seemingly strange change of subject catches Clarke off guard. “What?” she asks, brows knitted together.

“The reason Costia and I broke up is because she wanted me to move to New York and…” she sighs, questioning her life decisions up until this point. She could never leave Clarke, but now more than ever she wishes she could. Being around for the wedding will be too painful.

“And?” Clarke prompts, stepping closer. Lexa swallows, afraid of what she might do if Clarke gets any closer.

“I couldn’t. I said no, because of my job, my friends… but honestly?” a deep breath. “It’s because of you.”

“Me?” Clarke asks, surprised. She’s looking at her like she’s expecting Lexa to laugh and say she’s kidding, but she couldn’t be any more honest right now if she tried.

“You, Clarke. I couldn’t leave because the thought of being away from you… I couldn’t. I can’t.”

Clarke seems to let out a relieved sigh, a small smile appearing on her face. “I said no.”

Now it’s Lexa’s turn to look confused. “No?” she asks.

Clarke laughs softly, stepping closer. “To Finn. He proposed, yes. But I said no. I couldn’t say anything else, Lexa. What happened in that room…” Clarke looks up, takes a shaky breath. “Fuck, I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.”

Lexa can’t believe what she’s hearing. Years of yearning, of wondering, of hoping and resigning herself to the fact that Clarke would never, ever feel the same way.

“You have?” Lexa asks, uncertain. Still unsure she isn’t dreaming. Her heart is beating so fast and hard she’s afraid it’s going to jump off her chest.

Clarke takes the final step toward her, until they are standing toe to toe. “I have a  _ very _ messy situation to take care of in there,” she says, pointing back towards the cabin. “But once I do, we are certainly, most definitely finishing what we started.”

Lexa swallows and nods because honestly? she can’t fucking wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read this! It's the first story I've completed (you would not believe the amount of half-written stories I have in my Google Docs) and posted in a reaaaally long time, so thank you for your time! And if you feel like it, let me know what you think :)


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